AN ‘ASSASSIN’S’ ALIBI

Every so often, somebody who calls him or herself a ‘researcher’ or a ‘journalist’ tries to link me to one or other unsolved political assassination.

Just yesterday again, I received communication from one such person—a Swedish aid worker nonetheless—who had been brought under the impression—or who had brought himself under the impression—that I held the answer, or had in-depth, secret knowledge of yet another such covert and dastardly deed. The reasoning appears to be that if anything happened in Africa, and I live and work in Africa, then I am either involved or have in-depth knowledge of whatever it is I am to be blamed for.

Still, that forced me to wrack my brains to recall my whereabouts on 18 September 1961, the day of the mysterious plane crash death of the Swedish diplomat Dag Hammarskjöld in Zambia—then Northern Rhodesia.

Luckily it was not too difficult. Since I was five years old at the time, I was in Botswana (then known as Bechuanaland) probably hunting birds with a pellet gun or playing in a pool of mud. Thus, I am fairly satisfied that—despite my tendency to wander about unsupervised by my parents—I would not have made it across the two different borders and shot his plane out of the sky without anybody noticing.

But somebody must think I have unresolved anger issues with Swedes as he is not the only Swede I have been accused of sending to his Maker prematurely.

Over the past 20 years, there have been persistent attempts to link me to the assassination of former Swedish Premier Olof Palme. That was in Stockholm on 28 February 1986.

My alibi for the above assassination is so boring that I will just pretend that I was at a top secret location in Switzerland having my fingerprints burnt-off after having been falsely accused of the 1983 suicide bombing of the US embassy in Beirut.

However, I must confess publicly, that unfortunately I do not have an alibi for the poisoning of Alexander the Great. But with the way the insinuations are flying, I shall have to make an urgent appointment with a hypnotherapist and have myself regressed to a previous life in 323 B.C. so that I can cobble together another defence.

Meanwhile, if any of you have any knowledge of my whereabouts at the time of any other unsolved assassinations or downing of aircraft, please forward the details to me. It will save me much time and effort.